Back in April I did something 20-year old me would have never, ever, thought would be a possibility or of interest. My undergraduate years and graduate studies were focused on architecture. As a little girl I loved Legos, model building, and designing. Add to that the fact that my favorite grandfather had helped build the house that he and my grandmother would eventually live in, the house in which I spent my earliest years, and architecture was what I wanted to do.
Post-graduation I first worked in a firm that did a bit of work with the Roman Catholic dioceses of Philadelphia. Then after a year I moved on to a large firm and spent several years in the studio that focused on courthouses, jails/prisons, and municipal buildings. Cue a move to Maryland and the arrival of our first child and that would be the end of that path for me.
With our younger child having just finished her undergraduate studies, the ending of all the activities that relied on parent volunteers, and the isolation of these two pandemic years, I was starting to feel aimless, afloat with no direction. I have definitely been in that in-between, threshold time of uncertainty.
So back in the early fall of last year, when I was asked a question for the 5th time in the past 4 or so years, by a 5th person, a question that I had poo pooed the first 4 times, I stopped and didn’t dismiss it quite as quickly. Though my first reaction was to laugh out loud, not from a “that’s crazy talk” place, but from a “really, someone else is asking me this?…okay, maybe it is time to pay attention” sort of place.
Seminary, had I ever thought of going to seminary? Really? I was being asked about seminary again? For me, an aspect of discernment is paying attention to what keeps coming back around, whether that’s an interest in something, a pulling at the heart, or in this case, a recurring question. So why this time? I don’t know. Maybe because 4 others had asked me the same question in recent years. Maybe it was the messenger, because this time it was asked by my pastor and I could turn the table and ask questions…the big ones for me were “What would I do with a seminary degree? Where would that take me if I wasn’t doing a Master of Divinity, since I didn’t see myself ever being a pastor?”
Well, I don’t know. I don’t have answers to those questions. But possibilities were tossed around, the creative wheels started moving, the dreaming and pondering began. As someone who is a planner, as one who likes to know what we’re doing and how we’re getting there, I have had to really embrace “I don’t know”. After some reflection and conversations, I went on what we name as faith and applied to United Lutheran Seminary, the Gettysburg campus back in April.
One of the commonalities mentioned from the people who have asked me about seminary is this…noticing how I come alive when we have engaged in conversations of faith, the church, faith formation, theology, and ministry. And in the paying attention that is part of discernment, I came to realize that conversations and engagement in all of those things give me joy and energy. Ministry is what makes me come alive.
Yesterday I received word that my application was accepted. So come August, I will spend 2 weeks learning Greek in preparation for study towards a 2-year Master of Arts, which could become a Master of Arts of Ministerial Leadership (Deacon)…trying to leave space for things to unfold instead of setting hard plans. Where things go from here I am leaving to the Holy Spirit, or trying to. What form of ministry I will land in on the other side, I do not know. But I do know there is a lot of brokenness in our world and in the places where I move and live. Plus, I have long considered myself a gatherer of people and food, service, conversations, fellowship are always good ways to bring people together. So who knows what story I will be telling in 2 years, how all those things or new interests might come together.
As amazing as this new adventure is, it is also terrifying. I haven’t been a full-time student in over 30 years. And my previous field involved designing physical spaces, so lots of drawings and model building…not heavy on reading and writing. And no Greek…concrete, HVAC, memorizing famous buildings, lots of bum wad and markers. I held this close, very close for months, only sharing with a few people. I have questioned the sanity of doing this, thinking I’m too old to go back to school (I know, there are older students). But I also know that a rejection would have been really hard to take, that I really do want to do this. It may be scary, but it is also so exciting!
I learned, some 6 years ago, that the Holy Spirit is really persistent, really patient, and will eventually get Her message across. So I’m trusting that this is what I am meant to be doing in this next phase of my journey. Even if I don’t know exactly what the “this” is, seminary is the next step. Six years ago I poo pooed and repeatedly said no to youth ministry. And then I said yes. And I’ve never been sorry. I’m ready for and looking forward to this next calling and adventure.
What is looking terrifying, yet amazing to you? Are you hesitating? Jump in, say “yes”…have faith that it’s the right thing.
P.S…The photo at the top is of a David Winter “cottage”. This one was a gift from Mike this past Christmas. It’s titled “Seminary.”
I think asked your years ago if you were thinking of Seminary
Yes, you are one of the 5 people, the first one come to think of it.