Day 5 – Catatonic

Today’s 15 minutes fell into three distinct time blocks. I have no idea if they were or were not of equal length.

First block—the same pattern of attaining focus, losing focus, regaining focus. Again the time to detect the loss of focus felt quicker and the duration of the times of focus seemed a tad longer.

Second block—in addition to the in/out of focus, there were some time spans that I was neither sleeping nor awake. I would realize that I had lost focus and come back to it. Again, the thoughts that came through my head did not necessarily make sense. But I also realized that some of the unfocused time spans were not necessarily filled with any active thought—or if there was some level of thought going on, it was not in the form of internal dialog.

Third block—cat on my lap. Nala came by to borrow a warm lap. During this period, I alternated between focusing on my breath and on hers. This was not intentional but was kinda unavoidable. I did, however, find that her presence kept me more focused and the stream-of-consciousness thoughts at bay. Almost concurrently with the 15 minute timer going off, she decided it was time to get my attention and started pawing at my chest. Guess she knew my time for the day was up.

Time again was elusive, but did not seem dauntingly long. I believe I will bump up to 17 minutes tomorrow.